I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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