You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
