the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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