david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
