He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize