dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
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