I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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