He uses pillows to masturbate.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
