You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
