you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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