90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm at about main and main street
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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