I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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