So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize