Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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