He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
