Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
