You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
