i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
