Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
