You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
