I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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