i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
