Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
