Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
