my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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