i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
