his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
