Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He? As in you personified your dick?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
