Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
