First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize