"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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