Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize