sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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