dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
