But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
