You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
