Your dad touched me again.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
How does it feel to date your dad?
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