why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
