i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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