After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
