Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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