I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Boobs are out for the taking
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
