I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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