my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
