okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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