I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
