Dual....:-)
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
