this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
