In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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