I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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