moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize