I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
