every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize