get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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