I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
No subtext here. People are naked.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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