OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
