I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
