So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
