that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
