Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
