Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
We have started to decorate penises.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
