Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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