why im i the only drunk person in the library?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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