Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
