His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
