When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
