Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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