I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
