Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
