Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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