The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
sarcasm needs its own font
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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