I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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