I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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