dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
