i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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