Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize